Que Sera Sera

It's tough time here and hence the absence.Just wishing for things to go alright . This songs is apt for the moment :

Treat them Fairly...

It was all going smooth, my cousin loved this guy in her office and she introduced him to her parents. They were ready in spite of the whispers from the relatives of the marriage being an inter caste .Her parents decides to meet the guy’s parents and then inevitable happened. His mother decided to walk out of the relationship when her husband’s abuses became extreme. Though not divorced, they are living a separate life. Hearing this, my cousin’s parents decided to call it off. The reason was the stigma of woman left by her husband (even though it is the opposite). Unknowingly, they became a part of “Educated yet orthodox” community who, still consider it to be a women’s duty to carry the weight of a dead relationship full of abuses. And yes, most of the women still do so, just to protect their children from being stigmatized. And if they do something as brave as the guy’s mother has done, they would be stigmatized for life by the society.



One of my friend’s father left her mom and the kids (She and her brother who is physically challenged) to marry another lady. He had an extra marital with the lady and when the wife found this out, she was given a choice to either compromise or he will leave her. She walked out to make a life for herself and her children without any support. The father neither gave the alimony nor visited the children even being in the same city. Yes, seldom he calls them, just to shower them with abuses. She started working and gave her children the best of education and everything. Today, her children are faring well and are proud of their mother and so are we, her friends. We visit her mother whenever she is in town and just get mesmerized by the strength of the lady. Today in our generation, majority of women are educated and independent. We know our rights and society is coming in terms with non-stigmatizing separations. Think of the women who faced this in the earlier generation, when every decision was taken after considering about what the society will say? They didn’t even have support from their family who will always ask them to compromise. Majority of them were not educated and seldom were they independent. The only options available before them were wither to take abuses all through their life or to end up their life. But still there were few brave ladies who decided to take a brave stand and yet when we should acknowledge this fact we are mistreating them. How fair is it? Aren’t we encouraging violence towards women by acts like these? If we won’t stop this attitude towards women then probably, woman will keep on enduring pains and abuses just for not ruining their children’s life which, obviously will be ruined the same day when she will take the decision of being in an abusive relationship.

I love Myself......

While writing this post i have just bunked my Sunday class for a certification i have applied for. i got up on time and then suddenly decided to drop off. That's what is happening with the office too. I was never like this . Yes, i have bunked college but always for fun with friends . Here i am bunking just for solitude. A time just for myself , whereby i would do what ever i love. i want to sleep, read , blog , watch my favorite movies , shop , paint , cook and exercise all by myself . Enjoying company of my other self which has been lost somewhere while i was trying to meet deadlines and making others merry. The only left weekends too have gone for my 5 hrs long classes and i am back again to office on Mondays with the list of things i still have to do. A friend suggested to just take some time off and relax at home. i can but for some time i just want to go into oblivion . I don't want anyone around except for me and myself. Yes, i am talking like a selfish person but this selfishness have come out of selflessness. There is a canvas lying in my room since ages to be painted , so many books on my shelf to be read , a lot of movies to be watched , a lot of dishes to be learnt , a lot of items to be bought and a lot of items to be searched. The worst is losing my credit card which i haven't even opened from the envelope it came in and now when i want to cancel it , i don't know the details. I have to pay my water bills which i haven't paid from last two months and i have an outstanding credit card payments for the first time . I was planning to join some weight loss program since the start of the year and the timeline was till my birthday and here i am with my birthday just approaching and not losing a single ounce. It's not me .I am not even able to study what i am learning at my weekend classes! I always used to wonder about people wanting some "me" time and now i am realizing what it mean. I want to do things which like , which i want without paying the hid to what other's say. My current project would be off by this month end and i am surly taking few days off , all for myself . I pledge.

Rants & More Rants

It’s been a long gap again at this space and this time I had a lot of time to write too .It was just that I didn't feel like writing , actually I didn’t feel like doing anything . Last few weeks again tested me by making me face some things which I really wanted to avoid .People say that I am strong and yes I am. Some people do face hardships so early in their life that they have no options other than being strong. It’s like either you break or choose to survive and I did survive. I never got things easily but then I literally fought for it. I do used to get jealous with people by looking how easy it is for some to get things (and I don’t mean materials, I mean happiness) and how difficult this is for me. But then I have left this feeling a long time back. The hardships for some just cease to stop and with time you realize how stupid it is to compare your life with others and add more pain to it .A sense of calm had prevailed since then and I was in my lone journey. Time nowadays is a bit grueling both at work and home. It’s like I go to work unhappily and come back unhappily. Politics has come out of the parliament and you can see the Chanakya’s chant not just in office but in your family and all across. I know that everybody’s work s@#$ at some point of time or other but after 3 long years of working, I still feel lost. People @ work, whom you have trusted and respected, have suddenly (& surprisingly) shown you their darker side like they do in Ekta Kapoor’s serial. The sense of calm is lost again and no it’s not jealousness, it’s hatred. Things are almost the same at home front. I fail to understand why people take excessive interest in other people’s life. My life and my doings are just accountable to my parents and nobody else. An extended family should remain extended.

I came to work with all these thoughts and happening yesterday. Left early and did what I love the most shopping! This time it was not for clothes or accessories but for grocery. I exceeded my budget for that, bought loads of unwanted and avoidable items. Then went home and cooked (I don’t know much of cooking but I am not a bad cook either ;)) and treated myself with three course mealJ. Lemon bhel for starter , Paneer masala , raita and parantha for the main course and ice-cream plus mangoes for desserts ! I ate without feeling guilty of the weight I am putting, without thinking of again going to the office after 8 hours and the other mess of life and then when I reached office today I just blogged it down . By the time I am writing this last line, I can feel the sense of calm again. God knows for how long it will prevail but right at this moment I feel light and for a change HAPPY J .

A tale of two distressed souls

After my daily purchase of vegetables and milk I collected my bags from the guard who manages the baggage counter of Reliance Fresh. He passed a smile to me and i returned it. No, no it is not a love story in making ;) in fact it’s a signature for “sorry” which we give to each other whenever we meet. It all started one fateful day when i was in a very foul mood. I had a terrible day and one of my colleagues was accompanying me after office. We went to Reliance fresh (with me cribbing as usual) when the guard (i think he replaced the other guard the same day) stopped my colleague asking for his laptop bag. He told the guard that his laptop, wallet and everything else is inside and that he don’t find it safe to leave it there. Even after a lot of persuasion from our side the guard was still adamant. Finally my colleague left the bag with him. Now it was my turn. I was just carrying a handbag with my Tiffin, cell phone, money and OTHER stuff inside. He asked me to leave it at the counter and that was it. I bluntly replied that shall i take my money in my hand leaving my bag there. He didn’t say anything and i started to move inside. He shouted that i cannot take it inside as it has Tiffin boxes and i shouted back saying that do i look like a thief. My colleague interrupted saying that if he want he can check my bag once i am leaving the store. I said i won’t give my bag for checking , since no rule says that you cannot take your handbag inside the store. I just barged inside the shop and the guard followed me shouting. I turned back and then i said which i shouldn’t have said at all and which I regret till now “Shut up”in full volume and then he shouted back “ kya boli, phir bol” . My colleague and other guard on duty inside the store acted as pacifiers. My colleague took the guard outside and started pacifying him. And the guard inside the store started pacifying me with both saying the same thing to the guard and myself “He/ She had a terrible day at work today and he/she is in a very foul mood. We are sorry from their side, hope you will understand” . And yes, we understood. So much so that the very next day when i visited the store again (and was actually very embarrassed of my last day’s behaviour) and met each other we just exchanged a warm smile without uttering any word. Till now i don’t have enough courage to go up to him and say “sorry “for my behaviour that day but I know for sure that he has forgiven me and that i can in his smile and perhaps he in mine .

Confession of a confused soul :(

So i am back again and this time it's a good two months . It's never like i didn't want to write or that i am too busy with things. It's just that i felt a bit lost somewhere . Lets call it an introspection phase. Where you know that you are thinking about something but you are clueless about it. Confused?? Yes me too . So what i did in this introspection phase ? Well, i did think about where i have been,where i am and where i would be? Then read it somewhere that past is something which is long lost and future in unpredictable so just live in the present.So,my introspection zeroed down to my present and it's surly not like" everyday is a gift and that's why you call it present :P".

My present starts with an early morning ,where i always think about getting up @5 AM sharp to go to gym.But getting up realising that i am just not only too late for gym but also for catching office cab.Almost running to catch the bus and making all neighbours realise how good a sprinter i am( or for some " how can she be so late always) i catch the cab with " you are always late " glance from co-passengers.Then spending a fifth of a day travel to work and eating my heart out at breakfast(Eating always is a great stress buster). Reaching my desk and thinking about the last day argument(oops discussion) with boss,career path discussion with HR , a little serious discussion about " how i would like to put my energy on some other project which intrests me" discussion with big boss,his big no and my hopeless walk to my desk, where i am sitting just now. Then start doing something which i probably won't like but can't resist too and if i still want to do share all this grief online then wait.. blogger has been banned and so does the rest of " SOS" social sites.A few cribbing here and there @ lunch, tea and way back home.Shop my heart out on mood enhancing but self esteem reducing foods.Hogging on them while answering my roomies questions on being a "little chubby". Answriing my mom's calls too asking for an introspection again for current phase of life. Diverting mind off to idiot box or shall i say ekta kapoor box and realising that it's just adding more pain to my wounds.Switching off to facebook , further sneekingg into other's life and thinking if it could be mine ( when the truth is that they would be thinking the same).Desparate to pour out my emotion vsomewhere and here i am penning it down @1.30 in night . knowing for sure that i would be getting up late tomorrow again , missing gym and henceforth.

Confused .. so am i! Wish to be more regular at this space i hope i could.